no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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