do herpes really smell.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
