i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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