Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
