Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Found the puke drawer
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm really busy with my period
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