do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
