New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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