Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
