hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
