he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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