Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
