stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
