a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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