Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize