every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
