I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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