had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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