I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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