ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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