every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
