I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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