And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
