hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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