He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
