Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
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She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
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Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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