A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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