I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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