Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
