Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
