I could make wine with my vomit
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
