I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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