He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
