It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just tell him i said nine months
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
