PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
