if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
