Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
