We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
