its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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