I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
