I think I died a long time ago.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
