i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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