There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You need Xanax blowdarts
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
