Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
