You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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