that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
