I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
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His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
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Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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