evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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