If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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