I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
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He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
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Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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