corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
