I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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