He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
