VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
