his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy