Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
