I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
