Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
