In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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