You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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