My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
